My invalid excuse is that I was too busy to look back and plan. Come to think of it, that has always been my favorite excuse since forever. That's what I always say when I can't accomplish a goal I set up for my self. The truth is, self-awareness is a scary thing. You know what's wrong, you know what you're missing, you know what you should be doing to improve the quality of your life and yet, you don't act on it and it makes you hate yourself a bit.
Initially when I look back at how the past three years unfolded the feeling of stress and anxiety resurfaces. But no matter how I twist and turn today, I just couldn't lull myself to sleep. It's the New Year feel bothering me once again.
So here I am, at this hour of the day pondering. As I sat down in silence, I realized I have to write this in order for me to remember. To remember that the past year was not all bad experiences. To remember that I came to know myself better for the past year. To remember how much the struggle has changed me and made me grow more mature. To remember that there were instances when I took the first steps to actually bettering my life.
I took the courage to quit my job which I loved and hated at the same time.
I took the courage to start my own business.
I took the courage to climb a mountain even though I was crying and had panic attacks on the way down.
I took the courage to start vlogging and come back to blogging.
I took the courage to try again.
The list goes on.
The point is, I now realize what the year 2019 was for me. It was the year where I faced my fears. The year where I took my first steps and the year that will pave my way to a better self and a better life. Now as I look forward to 2020 I would like to envision it not just as my year but as my decade.
2020 will be my decade of building good habits and being more consistent. It is vital to remember that taking the first step is not enough. You have to make sure that you take the next steps too.
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