It's exactly 6:25 am and it's already the 3rd of January. I know people usually take their time to ponder before the year ends and already have a clear view of how they envision themselves for the following year. Yet here I am, 3 days late.

My invalid excuse is that I was too busy to look back and plan. Come to think of it, that has always been my favorite excuse since forever. That's what I always say when I can't accomplish a goal I set up for my self. The truth is, self-awareness is a scary thing. You know what's wrong, you know what you're missing, you know what you should be doing to improve the quality of your life and yet, you don't act on it and it makes you hate yourself a bit.

Initially when I look back at how the past three years unfolded the feeling of stress and anxiety resurfaces. But no matter how I twist and turn today, I just couldn't lull myself to sleep. It's the New Year feel bothering me once again.

So here I am, at this hour of the day pondering. As I sat down in silence, I realized I have to write this in order for me to remember. To remember that the past year was not all bad experiences. To remember that I came to know myself better for the past year. To remember how much the struggle has changed me and made me grow more mature. To remember that there were instances when I took the first steps to actually bettering my life.

I took the courage to quit my job which I loved and hated at the same time.

I took the courage to start my own business.

I took the courage to climb a mountain even though I was crying and had panic attacks on the way down.

I took the courage to start vlogging and come back to blogging.

I took the courage to try again.

The list goes on.

The point is, I now realize what the year 2019 was for me. It was the year where I faced my fears. The year where I took my first steps and the year that will pave my way to a better self and a better life. Now as I look forward to 2020 I would like to envision it not just as my year but as my decade.

2020 will be my decade of building good habits and being more consistent. It is vital to remember that taking the first step is not enough. You have to make sure that you take the next steps too.

If you're a blogger who started around 2008 to 2011 you probably started out the same way I did.

Some of you may know that I started my blogging journey back in early 2009 during my third year in high school when Tumblr-Famous was still a thing.



I have to admit that Tumblr has a very special place in my heart. It's the platform that introduced me and many of us into writing, reading, and reblogging the thoughts of other people. It also sparked my passion for digital art and web design.

In its own unique way, Tumblr made us feel more connected to strangers than facebook or any other social media platform back then. 

I mean, clicking that reblog button shows that you can relate so much to the person behind that post without even having a conversation with them.

Tumblr Reblog Button

After most of my reblog post, I started making some TYPOGRAPHY of my own. I would make TYPOSout of lyrics from bands like Paramore to singers like Katy Perry. I even make TYPOS out of quotes from my favorite books. That's how I started to learn how to use Adobe Photoshop.

An example of a song typo that I made

One of my favorite quotes from my all-time favorite book. Love The One You're With.

One of my favorite quotes from my all-time favorite book. Love The One You're With.

Oh! and do you remember "Ask Anon"? This is indeed one of the most brilliant features of Tumblr. Whether you admit it or not you may or may not have sent yourself ANON questions just so you could discuss a certain topic you sheepishly wanted to dive into. Do you remember that one ANON who kept coming back to ask you a thread of silly personal questions until you later found out that you actually knew them? There are so many funny and memorable ASK ANON experiences that most of us had. Some ANON people even refuse to reveal themselves to us just because.

The infamous Ask Anon

I even had several Tumblogs for different purposes such as one for reblogging, one for making typos and banners, a personal Tumblog where I rant about anything under the sun.

After Tumblr, I made a blogger account in 2015. And yes its the same account I am using now. ( I unpublished all the post for a clean slate due to the quality of the photos in my blog back then)
I used to blog here about makeup and anything related to beauty but I stopped using it when I went to Dubai for work. Alas! this blog was forgotten and buried.

My First post on blogger

Fast forward to 2016, I was struck with boredom and homesickness abroad so I decided to create my own website via Bluehost. I still remember how giddy and excited I was back then to finally have my own website. www.projectwanderland.com was my first try on taking blogging seriously. I started going out and writing religiously about all the things, food, and places I was able to experience. It was one of the happiest and most productive I have ever been in my life. But work and other personal stuff got in the way. A career opportunity arises and suddenly I was up for a promotion and never managed to go home on time.  There were even times when I had to cancel my days off. and that's why I stopped blogging and decided to delete the blog without having any backups of the wonderful experiences I had written there.

The only screenshots of my website that I have left. All contents are deleted now.

Leaving my job in Dubai was a tough decision to make yet I know that by doing so I will be able to once again chase my dreams and start focusing on the things I really want. After all, if you want to improve the quality of your life the best thing to do would be to start focusing on the things that give you fulfillment and joy.

So here I am, once again trying to grow. From that high school girl who fell in love with blogging because of Tumblr to a microbusiness owner, a Youtuber, and a Blogger.

Life is happening now. If you know what you love you have to be more passionate about it and trust that all the hard work you put in will be fruitful one day.